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Most groups and industries have their fair share of funny stories, dirty secrets, and just plain WTF moments that ache to be told.
That became a lot easier with the coming of the internet, as evidenced by the Darwin Awards that started in a 1985 Usenet newsgroup before onto the web in the dot-com era.
Needless to say, Crypto Twitter has its own version of this. The Coinfessions feed has more than 160,000 followers.
And while it has to be said that a fair majority of the “anonymous crypto confessions” fall somewhere between the “I lost everything” and “I made a fortune and then lost everything” stories, there’s a lot more to be found.
Particularly in an industry with more than its share of hackers, fraudsters and rugpullers, to say nothing of adherents of the get-rich-quick philosophy of “Lambos” and “mooning.” And, of course, FUD [fear, uncertainty, doubt] and FOMO [fear of missing out] investors who make easy targets.
Here’s a look at some of the most loathsome, wholesome and just plain strange Coinfessions to be found by the morbidly curious crypto connoisseur.
It was kind of hard to choose a No. 1 slot in this category, as we’re comparing immoral profiteering from a horrific crime (and then robbing people to boot) with an actual crime against an actual person. But the category runs from despicable to criminal to just plain creepy.
That’s George Floyd (who is black) who was murdered by white Minnesota police officer Derek Chauvin, who kneeled on his neck for nine minutes during an arrest for a very petty and quite possibly unintentional offense.
Singapore-style caning is bad and should be banned everywhere. You are why we need to say that out loud.
To quote the top reply to this tweet: “Ok, there is evil. Then there’s despicable.”
How many hours was your mother in labor?
Ick. Just ick.
You are a bad person.
You are a worse person. (But give no interesting details.)
Your position on this list could rise depending on what the charity was. Pediatric oncology, for example, would be good for the No. 4 slot.
It’s not like people’s hopes, dreams and life savings are at stake. Oh, wait…
Which would be kind of funny (even though illegal) if that money was not stolen from FTX customers.
This is just horrible, and if your friend knows, they are horrible. Call the police.
But you still work for them…
Remember that whole “trustless” part of cryptocurrency? It doesn’t work without smart contracts.
You shorted it, didn’t you?
This is why “employee loyalty” is a multi-billion-dollar industry.
Snoop Dogg would approve.
Cheap at the price.
Wasn’t this an “Everybody Loves Raymond” episode?
Given that $20,000 a year is just $5,000 more than the minimum wage and $4,000 above the poverty line, maybe ask her if she finds your simple lifestyle all that delightful.
Okay, there had to be a little bit of treacle.
There is a key piece of information missing here.
The IRS is very happy for you. So happy they’d like to tell you in person…
That’s a mighty large jug of lemonade you made there.
For which you paid them how much?
As crypto fraud goes, this is pretty vanilla.
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